Pain of the Pack
by ZaraLethallan
Summary: Based of a Prompt from tumblr, Ander and Fenris get together in mourning and become friends. - couldn't get it in its own chapter so there is multiples :-) Plus my own twist and turns
1. Pain of the Pack

Looking out of the window Fenris saw nothing but the sparkling lights of the city. It was well past sunset and the moon was high in the sky. He hadn't heard from Hawke in some time, his heart ached for her night she left the only clue to her disappearance was the note stating she had to go help Varric. Fenris knew she would come back, but until then he had to hands nevertheless clutching onto the window frame. It was an anchor that keeps him grounded.

Earlier during the day there had been an Inquisition messenger with a letter from Varric, but Fenris was worried about opening the letter since it had been so long since he heard from his love. So long since he touched her skin, felt his lips against her. What would he find within? The fear ate at him, tying his stomach in knots.

Fenris looked at the unopened Tevinter wine bottle that sat on his desk across the room. He could already taste the wine in his mouth. That sweet, tart flavor splashed against his tongue. The bottle was surrounded by the amassed books he had read. Along with the other half he had planned to read.

He quickly walked over to the desk. In order get through this note he would need a swig of that sweet poison. He picked/lifted up the bottle and held it to his lips, the temptation to take a drink was a rooting pain. The call of those red waters, to just let go of everything and down the bottle to drown in it. How much he wanted to take a sip, how many times since Hawke left had he almost given in.

He couldn't take a drink, not after he promised Hawke. To fight against the addiction, had to deny the freedom the wine had given him. Fenris put the wine bottle down with a thump, slamming his hands onto the desk, his body rocking with rage. His head was hanging low, ashamed that he had almost given into the siren's call. His body gave out as he slid into his chair.

He took his small dagger to pull up the wax that was keeping the letter sealed. To see what Varric had to say. It denoted that she gone into the Fade with this so called Inquisitor Zara, but didn't return with the group.

Varric said the Inquisition assumed that she was dead. That they would never see her he would never see his wife again.

Fenris slumped against the desk covering his face that was filled with sorrow. With a sigh, he peeked through his fingers as he glanced at the wine again. He let the paper slide from his hand, landing on the desk. He knew all along that magic was no good, that it destroyed everything it touched. Everything he held dear.

He had warned Hawke so many times before, and tried to make her see. Even though Hawke was a mage, it only meant that she need to be that much more careful. He was always worried about her. He feared something might happen and he would lose her to the magic. He was always in a state of anxiety that she would leave and never come back. He felt the pang of grief as his nightmare was confirmed.

"Daddy?"

"Daddy?" The little girl's voice shook Fenris out of his thoughts. Fenris slipped the note off the desk and into his palm. He slowly folded it up and slid it into his pocket.

Fenris turned to look at his daughter, she looked so much like her mother. Like his Hawke. Her curly, moonlight hair was pulled back into two braids tied with black ribbons. Her sparkling innocent green eyes looking up at him. His heart aced just a little more as he saw the sweet dimpled cheeks. His chest constricted just a little more as he saw the sweet dimpled cheeks.

He feared she would never see her mother again, the thought nearly drove him to tears. Thinking about the little moments Hawke would miss as her daughter grew up. She was wearing the nightgown that Hawke had made for her, red with black ruffles.

He moved out of the chair, holding his arms out to her. He heard a giggle escape her lips, as she ran into his arms. He cradled her there, his face buried in her hair. She reminded him so much of her mother, of his wife, that they both may never see again.

"Dalinev, we are going on a trip to visit Uncle Varric." He held his voice relatively calm despite his heart crumbling inside him. He placed a kiss on the top of her head before he continued."Go, pack some warm clothes, we will be leaving soon."

Dalinev wiggled with excitement out of his arms to get down. "Mommy, is with Uncle Varric. I miss her." Her voice rang like bells as she spoke. Even their daughter's voice was like Hawke' felt as if a frozen knife slid into his heart.

"I know baby, so do I. The faster you get ready the sooner we can leave." his voice was on the edge of breaking as he tried to hurry her along.

He couldn't tell her.

Not yet.

Not until it was confirmed.

By Varric.

In person.

When her tiny toes reached the floor she darted out of his arms and ran off to her once again leaned back into the chair to sit down, just to try and catch a breath.

Fenris couldn't believe she was gone. He refused to believe that she was dead. She couldn't be, not after everything that they had been through. He wouldn't let her be gone. Even if it meant he would going into the fade himself and bring her home. He would do everything in his power to get her back.

Why did she even leave? Why did she leave her family? How could she do this to them? When he got her back he would never let her go again without them by her side.

Fenris could feel the lyrium in his blood pumping with rage. Once again magic had changed his life, twisting it into a black pool of pain. He grabbed the bottle of ink off the desk and threw it across the room. It shattered as it impacted the wall.

He needed to make his way to Skyhold. The journey would be a long one, taking a ship across the waters to Jadar and getting a surefooted horse to ride through the rain-slick mountains. He would have to get message to Isabel, to see if she could take them across the Waking Sea.

Perhaps it would be difficult, but the last thing he would do was leave Hawke's and his daughter in someone else care. Not after the news he just received. She was all the he had left, she was his whole world now that Hawke was…

His only thoughts now were to protect Dalinev and to get to Skyhold.


	2. Unconditional Love

**_Here's a prompt: Fenris Anders receive word, separately, from Varric about Hawke's disappearance/assumed demise. They meet, accidentally, in their travels mourning for Hawke's passing is what finally helps them bond and become true friends. Bonus points for: surprise combat; Fenris/Anders saving each other's lives; an appearance by Justice; drunkenness; Hawks having flirted heavily with both during her time in Kirkwall; F!Hawke/Fenris relationship.–Anon_**

Anders watched the light on the battered wall start to dim, darkness crawling, creeping into the abandoned room. The only signs of life were Anders and his bed roll that laid close to the wall. He had been living like this for years now. Hiding, running from the people who sought vengeance for his actions in Kirkwall.

They didn't understand. The things that led up to that extreme event were not of a selfish nature. Instead, he tried to help the mages, protect them from the templars. He had expected to die that night, but Hawke showed him exceptional mercy.

Shortly after he fought beside Hawke one last time, he fled. Never to see her again, to protect her from himself. He knew that staying in contact with her would only bring her pain and heartache. She had been so upset with him. He knew that she might even hate him now.

The rebel mage's fingers ran over the ink marks on the paper, Varric had sent word.

 _"This can't be right. This must be a trick, someone must have intercepted his letter and they are trying to call you outta hiding."_ Justice's voice was softer then Anders thought it would have been.

"But what if the letter really did come from Varric. Hawke could be in trouble." He replied to the spirit that was speaking in his mind. Anders was laying down on his bed roll, unable to make sense of the letter and what the contents might mean.

 _"We haven't heard from Varric in months, and suddenly we find a random raven with a note sitting in our hiding place. How did Varric know we were here? This may be a ploy…"_

"Then I guess we will just have to chance that then won't we? I love her. I can't just leave her to this fate, Justice. What would you have me do?" Anders' voice started to break. Although Hawke had chosen to be with Fenris, he still cared about her. No matter what happened between them, Anders would always be there for her if, and when, she needed him.

 _"At least send a letter back, instead of storming out in a suicide mission to save her."_

Anders knew that Justice was right. But when it had to do with Hawke, he could never think straight. He had loved her with everything he had, but she had picked that mage hating elf over him. Over one of her fellow mages.

 _"She didn't return your feelings. Why risk everything to try and save her?"_ Justice's question danced around in his mind. Somewhere deep inside him, he agreed with Justice. Why should he be willing to do whatever he could to protect Hawke when she didn't love him? When she left him to be with Fenris.

Why would he risk coming out of hiding, facing the possibility of death if he was found? How could he feel like this about one woman? It didn't matter if she had picked Fenris, didn't matter what poisonous words she spat out at him. She would always hold a special place inside his heart.

But the deeper feeling inside answered his and Justice's question. _Because you love her_. His own voice now echoed in his head. "We're going to Skyhold. Justice I am sorry, but I need to know if I can help her. I need her in this world. Or I will lose myself. I have to see this through."

Even if it meant his certain death upon arrival at Skyhold, he had to go. Had to try.

Anders started packing his belongings, the night was fast approaching and if he was going to leave for Skyhold now was the best time to head out. Cloaked in darkness, it would hide him better as he made his way.

 _"You know he will be there. He doesn't trust us Anders. He will turn us in."_ Justice said when Anders had finished cleaning up.

"Not if he loves Hawke. Not if he wants to save her."

"He has to let me help." Were his last words to the spirit while he slipped out of the now empty building.


End file.
